Late Night Blogging

Oh man.  What on earth am I doing up!  I have class at 8:30 a.m. and really should be sleeping, but I have learned over the past several months that John is extremely influential on my sleeping habits.  Not just that I go to bed when he does, but that it is SO difficult for me to fall asleep without talking to him first, to have last "good night babe" and cross my feet over his (a comfort/lovey thing we do) before I drift off into dream land.  Tonight I find myself with a lot on my mind, and while my best friend is miles away in Houston, my blogger friends get to indulge on my thought processes so I can lay my head on my pillow, and close my eyes without a care in the world.

Things have been really great lately.  I am loving school and am shocked that we are half way through another semester.  Classes fly by and before I know it's the weekend again.  My anthropology class and psychology class have been the most intriguing to me this far and I love being able to come home and tell John all about what I learned that day.  I am taking math this semester and while it's kind of boring to me, I can see the way that it is making me look differently at the world and how if I just devote myself to a concept, the answer will always come out right.  Aerobics has been so good for me, and has changed my body and my attitude towards exercise in the best way possible.  I am always in the best mood after and love to feel myself getting physically stronger.

John was home this last week and it was probably one of the best weeks I can remember!  We had so much quality time together, and I can't tell you what it means to me after he has been away for a week.  I understand now what people mean when they say you are only half a person until you meet your spouse.  There is a huge piece of my life missing when he is gone.   I've realized how much we have grown together as a couple and adapted to each other's views and personalities.  So when he is here, I truly feel at home.  We have been going on date's, just us, to see movies and out to dinner.  But the ones that have meant the most to me are when we are talking late into the night.  Or when we are reading snuggling on the couch.  Our newest thing is taking walks in random neighborhoods around Orem and Provo, finding houses we like (OR LOVE)  and talking about our dream house.  Life is just so good with him, he makes me SO happy.  It's more than I can describe here, but he is simply THE best.  A term we've coined in our marriage is, "You are my best."  The "friend" part got dropped, because it's so much more than that-not only he is he my best friend, he is the best cuddler, best listener, he's the best at making me laugh, etc. etc....and we belong to each other.  Hence the term "You are MY best."  :)

Lately I have been thinking a lot about Faith, specifically how I can grow in that area.  A couple weeks ago in Relief Society we talked specifically about that topic, and it was such a wonderful lesson.  First of all, I have to say this:  I love the gospel of Jesus Christ, and the fullness of it in the LDS church.  I know that it is true.  I know that my Savior died for me, and for you, and that it is because of TRUE love, a love beyond my earthly comprehension. I know that I've felt my Savior's love for me, and that it is very very real.  I have needed it more times than I can say, and the blessings of the Atonement are seen in every little thing I have in my life today.  I will never forget my experiences with repentance and how much I need Him to lead me safely home.  But I can't always just rely on those past experiences;  my faith needs to be nurtured, protected from harm, and it needs to continue to grow.  As much as it is strange for me to admit, sometimes asking my Heavenly Father for more faith scares me.  Why?  Because what grows our faith?  Testing it. Oh boy.  Am I ready to be tested?  What trials will I face?  Am I strong enough?

But then this last Sunday, a woman in my mom's ward bore her testimony on this very topic, that strengthened my own testimony and answered my prayers.  She said "Trials are like hurdles we run over.  Sometimes we think that if we can just get over this hurdle, life will be grand; smooth sailing.  But after that hurdle, there is another one.  And we think, 'how did I get back down here?'  But in life there will always be negative AND positive things.  Therefore, life is what you FOCUS on."  This made me realize that welcoming the opportunity to have my faith increase will not be so scary.  At every angle, every day, we make choices.  We are constantly going through trials.  My faith has been tried before, and it will be tried again, and you know what, it's probably being tried right now.  Some times will be harder than others, but there is always a positive way to look at life.  I am trying to apply these principles to my life right now, and am finding that I am being tested, and there are so many positive things in my life that make my trials bearable.  I am realizing that the ways I am being tested are turning out to be such a blessing;  I am learning so much about myself and trying to be a better person.


Sometimes I wonder if I come off the way I want to when I write these blogs, and I wonder if I make any sense.  If I don't, here is a watered down version.  Basically,  I live a very real life like the rest of the world.  I have my trials, I make mistakes, and I have so much I need to work on.  I know that the hard things in life are what make all the good things possible, and that there is no need to be afraid of my faith increasing.  Just writing this down makes me feel better.  I have an amazing family, husband, and Father in Heaven that love me so much.  Most of all, through out my life I hope that I can choose to FOCUS on the positive things.  Lucky for me I have so much to be happy about.  :)