Dreaming with Eyes Wide Open

This past week of school has been particularly stressful.  With projects, papers, tests, and regular homework all piling on top of one another, I am hoping I can pull the next four weeks off and keep my grades in tact!  I have so much to do before finals, including registering for summer and fall classes.  While it feels like I am almost at the end of all the work, this is really just the beginning.  I have three years of schooling left to complete my bachelor's, and with all of it ahead of me it can be overwhelming, and at times discouraging.

However, when I checked my email this morning I received one that I have been waiting on for about a week and it is opening a door I am so nervous and excited to go through.  I have a meeting with an advisor at UVU on Monday.  Not just any advisor.  The pre-Nursing advisor.  This is the first time I've written it out or really admitted to myself that I am doing it, but I am starting my pre-requisites this next year and applying for the nursing program at UVU for Fall 2012.  I never thought I would be doing something like this.  I never had dreams of being a nurse as a kid or ever really started thinking about it until this past year.  As I've started taking classes again I've realized how much the idea of nursing interests me, and the science and facts behind it all.  I actually started off with loving Biology, but the idea of teaching was not enticing at all.  I would rather be hands on and work with people, and John started to suggest nursing to me.  After a few months of talking about it, and a lot of prayer, I know that this is what I want to do with my profession and career.  It makes sense for me, and the life of my future family, and I am so excited.

At first I completely shut the idea of the Nursing program down.  It completely intimidated me and I was unsure that I would be able to do all the work and effort involved.  After feeling stressed and inadequate this past week, I realized why.  As a teenager, I never really believed in my ability to do something special, something difficult, something great with my life.  I have had a fear that even if I try my very best, that it won't be good enough and that I will fall short the expectations of those around me.  My family always knew that I could be better, but the impact of particular friends and people I dated suggested to me that I wasn't truly capable of anything other than average.

As a teenager, this view of myself was in almost all aspects of my life.  Not smart enough to do well in school, not pretty enough to get a really great guy, not the most fun friend because I didn't have a car to drive everyone around, and definitely not good enough to change my life and be a better person.  As I look back, most of these things have changed.  It all started with realizing I could change my life, and the only person holding me back from moving forward was myself.  I started going back to church and got rid of some yucky people (yes, yucky. They were!) in my life and my life changed instantly.  I met my sweet husband after who has never stopped telling that I am beautiful.  He was (and IS) handsome, smart, spiritual, and had (and HAS) so much going for him.  I couldn't believe someone like him could love me, but he did(does), and I loved (love) him, and FAST.  hahaha.  Being around someone with as much confidence and charisma as John definitely made me want to be better.  I still had negative influences in my life I had to change, and he helped me do that.  I have amazing family and friends now who are so supportive of me and make me so happy.

The last thing to do was to go back to school.  My first semester back I got a 4.0.  Even still, feeling smart is somewhat of an issue for me. Until I finally made the move to email my advisor and find out more about the nursing program, and now have an appointment with him next week.  I am actually going for this, and that means I have to give 100%  of my brains to doing well!  I am still anxious, but hoping that I will pull through! :)

(oh, and p.s. I finally got that car. hahaha. )

I have had so many miracles and dreams come true for me in my life.  This one is just one more of the ones I have on my list and I am so excited to go after it!  Of course, sometimes dreams put others on hold.  After spending this last week with my sister and her kids,  I am so excited to be a mom.  I know it's not time for me to have kids yet, but when I got to hold her baby or take her kids to and from school, I know that it's something I am meant to do.  I could name a million other things I am excited for...a house of our own, where our lives are going to take us, the dream of being able to make a difference in the world, to be an amazing cook someday ;), the dream of becoming the person the Lord wants me to be...it's all in there.

 But keeping those dreams in mind, I have to fulfill the little dreams now in order to get there.  Like my dream of getting something really yummy for lunch here in a second.  Or getting done with this semester with good grades again.  Yeah, that sounds good :)

Love, Katie